Save you now

you showed me a side of you
I dared to see
I jumped fully in
without even thinking
seems to have got me on a path
of bewilderment
He used my greatest sin to
lead me to you
for you to have a glimpse in?
im mystified at His ways
but what I am learning is that
I am not in control
even when I think i am
I really am not
I cannot control the people He brings into my
life
or how long they will stay at times
I tried to have a little
fun but didn't know that he would be the one
the one who caught my gaze
who sent my heart into tizzies
making my head completely dizzy
with each rejection
with each one who chooses not to
glance my way
i only become more inspired
to become my greatest
to not wait one minute
any longer for life to pass me by
while i sit on the sidelines
just watch where I will
be a year from now
completely changed
c ompletely renewed
comletely restored
who would have known?
His beauty has definitely been shown?
I am not afraid
although i may have bared
a bit of my soul
the tears i cried were
enough for you to taste
its no fun to see you flirt
with God who knows
I know i deserve better
do you dare to speak to me
now that i know about her?
do i dare to even give you the time
of day
i dont even walk around
flirting with any man
i dont even care to
a man isnt what i need
a man isnt what i want
i only want continual fellowship
with the one that made me
thats all i want
and with that i will be
ever so completely happy
so sue me
if i enjoy to kiss his feet
to sit at his feet
so sue me
why dont you
what do i have to lose
and what do i have to give to you?
who knows
who cares
it makes no difference whether
you want to come after me or not
stay where you are
you know i will come running
what am i supposed to do
act like this is all cool dont worry
i will not hesitate to tell you--ar

Going after Jesus..what is my motive? Is it really to do all the things He commands me..for that is His command..to obey His voice. What is His voice saying? To reach the lost..to get out there and utilize these resources that I have learned and apply them to my life and bring in others and teach them. Catch the fishies..and feed the little fishies..and raise them up in the knowledge of the Lord and have them go on and do the same. Without it really being a herd mentality but one of freedom. Church is now becoming redefined. Church is no longer just the four walls. Church is no longer a set of rituals and going through the motions. Church is no longer business as usual..Church is meeting at Starbucks..meeting at the park..going out and having services on the beach while we barbeque and come together in fellowship and seek after God earnestly to grow and be nourished in Him. Sometimes when I go to church..and I mean within the four walls..the building..I sometimes feel like it gets in the way of my relationship with God. Don't get me wrong..I get nourished but sometimes I feel like I have already received the revelation of what taking the church outside the four walls really means and I don't want to just sit in a pew. I don't want to become a pew warmer...I feel complacent sometimes just sitting. But I am also learning that it is okay to sit and feast. Even in the midst of my revelations from God, I can still sit and feast. Feast on the word. I know God isnt confined to the four walls. That I do know for sure. I find myself searching for purpose..saying okay God..what am I going to do with You? And I hear Him say, its not what are you going to do but what I am going to do in you..and right now I am tired..I am tired of all of the knowledge I have learned, and tired of sorting out what was God and what wasn't. I don't care anymore...I just want all of the sorting and sifting to end. When I have been given 10 years of information...some of it good, some of it wrong..it's almost like information overload. God says do not care for anything but cast your cares upon Him...so thats what Im gonna do..just cast all this information to Him...let Him deal with it..let Him help me know what's of Him and what isn't. I can't do it. I'm tired of trying to figure it all out. The more I try to figure it all out, the more tired I get. It's like I have to have some answer...and I can't be okay without having an answer? I want it all spelled out for me in black and white..a list..of ok this was God. this was not. Sheesh...don't think I'm gonna get a list downloaded to me right now..All that matters is what God is showing me right now I suppose and walking in that. And maybe He doesn't want me to do anything right but to just sit and wait upon Him..receive His love..and bask in His love for me..and when the time comes to get up and do something I will know it. I'm tired of any expectations put on me to do anything. For I know now that I cannot do anything..it's done by His spirit and might...the revelations I get from His spirit not from my finite mind. The information I get is from His spirit...I dont want to give up hope in Him...but if all I can do is sit and wait upon Him then that's what I am going to do right now..and just let Him come and do whatever He needs to do in me. I have faith that He can meet me, I have faith that my salvation is not one of works but one of faith in Christ Jesus.

God, man and responsbility

I had a most interesting conversation with a good friend of mine concerning God and us, and the idea of how God created us to think for ourselves. My friend, had the argument that God wants us to think for ourselves but "Christianity" discourages us from doing so. I disagree with that, I think that some "christianity" discourages that but it does not represent Christianity as a whole nor is that biblical in any way. As I talked this over with God and asked Him..He revealed to me, from Genesis the correction behind this...God created Adam and Eve as adults...I have always wondered why He started them off as adults and not as babies....the only reason I could think of that that time was that they needed to be adults to take care of the garden and that if they were babies no one could take care of them and things like that but that was about as far as it went...what He showed me concerning that. Was that He created them as adults..because He was already making them with the basis that He already trusted them to take care of what He wanted them to take care of. He created them as adults..because they already had all knowledge and intellect that would enable them to make wise decisions and be independent and rule the earth. It was almost like a trust thing...trusting them enough to make them as adults and not babies..If He had created them as babies..they would need someone to look after them and tell them what to do...relying on someone else to take care of them...They did not need that. He created them as already adults because He was going to instill a trust in them to do whatever they needed to do to run the planet. They had all power, they were given the earth to rule over, they had the whole planet to themselves...What freedom, and what power, and what trust! He gave them the entire planet!!!!!!!! Now that my friends, is trust. It is a compliment to have been made right from the beginning as an adult. It was like He was saying to them, I am not going to create you as a baby because that would insult you and your intelliegence and capability, no in His wisdom He created them with the capability for responsibility...they didnt need to "consult" with Him for decisions to make, they just needed to take care of business and delight in creation and their relationship with Him...He trusted them to take that responsibility and make whatever decisions they needed to make. He trusted their wisdom and judgement. He gave them the ability to make choices...He came to walk in the cool of the day with them to see what they were up to..what were they doing with this responsibility..what was going on? Not to check on them but to fellowship with them...to give a report almost on what they were doing with what He had given to them. On the seventh day He rested...just what were Adam and Eve going to do with this planet that He created for us to enjoy, this life He created for US to enjoy? It was a joyous relationship they had with God. One of a mature adult and a parent. One where the mature adult..says thanks for giving me this and here is what's going on. For they had all wisdom to run the earth. Doing with it whatever they wanted. Well here comes satan and tells them they would become like God if they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil..well what satan did was create a desire that there was more...more than this planet! For God's sake! How could they even want more? But he created a desire that made Eve question..wow, is God really holding out on us...almost like in arrogance..maybe God is holding out on us...after all we run the planet...there must be more! What a lie! They had all that they needed and here comes satan with a lie that there is more. Almost, like leaving the responsibility of taking care of this planet and making what they could have with it, forsaking it for "more."! I do believe that even if Adam and Eve had other children, the other human beings that were created would all have had the same temptation. Maybe maybe not. So Adam and Eve, because God had given the ability to make their own choices....decided to make a choice out of the responsbility that God had given to them as adults and they went against His wishes..they made a mistake. For is that not what a true parent does to their children? Allows them to make their own mistakes! That is how we learn by our mistakes..this was a treacherous one, and some mistakes are! But God is not in the business of babying us and shielding us from our mistakes at times. He wants us to learn and to grow. That is being a true adult..and it would have been an insult to us for Him to have it any other way. For He would have been shielding us from making mistakes and making our own decisions. He would have not allowed us to think for ourselves, for that is what Eve did, thought for her self...she made a bad judgement call and then sin entered the earth. Thank Jesus for His sacrifice to correct that...however, too many times, we put on God, what God put on us.

Passion

I am so weary and tired of religiousity in the church. Lemme tell you something..religiousity will not win any souls to Christ Jesus. For who wants to be confined to a life of having to "do" anything to win a God's love? Not even those in the church want to be confined to having to "do" anything to win our God's love or heart. We already have the love and acceptance that Jesus died on the cross for and we can be resurrected to a love and passion for Him out of the appreciation of His glorious death. His death in which a wonderful work of love was done. Overcoming this world was a work that conquered the enemy and all that the enemy tried to steal. I am more concerned with becoming intoxicated with the love of my God and filled with a heavenly passion for Him than anything else. If we turn to Song of Songs...we see how it starts in a passionate love scene. Right from the beginning of this book is the young woman declaring her passion and her desire for more from her lover..hence Jesus Christ..if we look at this as the love song between Christ and His bride who is us..we can enter into that divine connection of intimacy and ecstasy with the lover of our souls. Here she states in Song of Songs 1:2-4 "Kiss me again and again, for your love is sweeter than wine. How fragrant your cologne, and how pleasing your name! No wonder all the young women love you! Take me away with you. Come, let's run! Bring me into your bedroom, O my king." She cannot contain herself, she is yearning for more of Him. Also, as we look into this...we see that it is He who is kissing her. This begins with Him being passionate towards her. It begins with Him and "His" desire for "her". How often we think, if only I do this for God He will come, no my friends that is backwards, it starts with Him being passionate towards us! For do we not read elsewhere in our Holy Bible...we love God, because He first loved us! My friends, that is what this is saying, God is being passionate towards us. When we receive the King's passion for us and see how He cherishes us, His bride, His love, whom He died for, we will tell Him we wany more, that we desire Him... It begins with His desire for us, for He does truly desire me and you. Passionately. Very, very passionately. She tells Him that she loves how fragrant He is...do you stay in the Lord's passion enough to smell of His sweet fragrance? Where that fragrance is the only one you love? There is no "act of duty" my friends, that we must "do" to smell that fragrance. He already smells like His wonderful fragrance..all we must "do" is smell "His" fragrance...No where does it say anything I must do to produce that...it is done by greeting my lover and simply smelling Him...and we want to see Him, we want to smell Him...that is why we meet Him. It is done by the passionate embrace we have with this Lover of our souls. Where His fragrance becomes more than we could ever want to smell and His sweetness is all that we want to taste on our lips. She is so passionate that she tells Him, Let's run!!!! I want to be so caught up in His passion that I run to the place of intimacy with Christ. Where I can become One with Him and out of that holy union with Jesus, I am birthed to become even a better lover of this awesome King that I love and serve. Wafted by the sweet fragrance of Him! What does that fragrance smell like? Just what does the Lord taste like? Better than the finest of fine wines on the earth...better than the choicest fruits picked off of any tree. He smells of frankincense and myrhh, better than all of the spices on this earth my beloved saints and friends! When we are caught up in His ecstasy...for His kisses are better than any wine...better than any drunken state we could ever aquire on this planet...that state of ecstasy is where I want and desire to remain. If we remain in ecstasy we will be rocketed into a new dimension that we never knew could ever exist to the human mind. That state of ecstasy is a place of constant intimacy with this God. This Lord. This lover of our souls. It is a state of ecstasy, pure bliss and pure love. Pure love which changes me, which changes us. A rich love, an ever increasing love...a state of ecstasy where His spirit of wisdom and revelation manifest themselves and we learn more of what His love really means. That love is what makes me want to be with Him, to spend time with Him, to know Him, to seek Him, to have Him use me in this world to reach others and impact them and make a difference in their lives. That state of ecstasy is what I want to transfer to a world looking for things to fill the void within them.

I cant wait to see Jesus

So, after going through soooo much than I have ever gone through in my entire life in the past 6 months...I've come out of this, as a new person. I define who I am. I know who I am. I am the King's kid! My God, who knows everything about me, everything I think, everything I do, loves and cares for me unbelievably..so much. My freakin thoughts do not separate me from His love. My thoughts do not define the love He has for me, it is completely separate from His love. He offers me forgiveness and the chance to start afresh. He offers me grace and a chance to make it through this day leaning on Him. Never will I get it down, I will always need to depend on that special dispensation of grace for a day! And it's always available, always there. It will never run out. His grace is a river which never runs out. Now, if only I could learn the lessons a little more quicker...for in everything, good, or bad, there is a lesson to be learned. I find myself in a spot where all I want to do is spend time with my special friend Jesus. To tell Him everything! I love to tell Him everything! I love to run to Him just knowing that He is listening to me forever! How beautful, awesome, and sweet that is to me! I had to become unchurched to find a relationship with my God. To know that I hear Him, and to know and receive His sweet love. When everyone has gone, when people you cared about have left...He is and will always be there. He is the only constant thing in this unconstant ever evolving world. Oh, a world where we feel the need to evolve so much and so fast...But here is God, the same, yesterday, today and forever, and after all I have gone through, one thing, have i learned, and that is God's ears have never disappeared and His love has never ceased. He has separated my "who", from my "do." And that is unconditional love. What an awesome teacher! I can apply this to all of my relationships. I dont have to like everything people do, but I can still love them with the precious love of Christ Jesus. For what better model do I have to show love than God? Come to Him, come and be His son or His daughter, and let the power of that relationship transform the world around you. For it is His love that will win them over, His love, nothing else can compare to that precious love. Nothing. People want love, not things always. People want to feel accepted and important, and God's love takes care of them, if we will just introduce them to the King, to the heavenly Father, everyone can want to be a better person for the change they want in this world. He is full of wisdom, and everything we need. He is our strength and our Guide and will never leave our sides. Ever!

To know Him, to Really Know Him

As this new year began, I was left with the impression upon my spirit that i dont really know him. I know what ive learned up intil now but I DONT REALLY KNOW HIM, especially in all of His fullness, in this lifetime i will spend my life spending time just getting to know Him. I really know Him nought! Who are you? Who is this Jesus i asked? Lord, who are You? Who is this God who loves my soul. Just who is this Jesus who died on the cross? Who is He? I feel like going around and just asking everyone i see, normally i would ask , do you know Jesus? i just feel like asking, who is this Jesus? Who is He? Ive got to know this Jesus. This Christ. IVE GOT TO KNOW HIM AND IVE GOT TO KNOW HIM NOW! i ask Him to show me how to know Him. Lord, how do i get to know you? How do i get to be with you like those people did back in the word did? If i look at the scripture I will see that they were ALWAYS with Him. They just followed Him. Everywhere He went. Aha, when they werent even asking, when they werent even seeking, He comes down from heaven, being fully God, yet being fully man, and He comes and doesnt even say a word but lives out before us. He put aside His divinity, not even coming in a way that says look at me and lives life on earth. The perfect life of a submitted life to the will of God. He became like me so that I could become like Him. I say to Him, Lord terrify me with Your presence and when He answered me , i found that i didnt really know Him. What I thought i knew, up until now, makes me want to search Him out. To have Him show me another side of Him. A side that is dazzling. He is showing me His dazzling side. This is just the beginning, but this year shall enfold Him showing more of Him. The sides of Jesus i do not know at all. How mystified I was to know that I do not know all the sides of Jesus. For He is multidimensional. Wow, thats that kind of God I want to serve! Thats the God i want to know! The God of the nations. Let me see that side. The side of the all knowing Jesus thats what i want to know! The side that knows every hearts cry and every prayer that goes up into heaven. The side that can be everywhere. I run to the cross, and say Lord let me die, let me die to whatever because its the resurrection I want and without a resurrection you cannot have that. I am spending my time with the Father getting to Know Him. To learn His likes and dislikes, what His tastes are, the things He likes to do. The things that bring Him joy. His freakin ways which are much higher than mine! I dont know about you, but i am not satisified with what i know, i am not satisfied with my ways, i want the higher ways, the ways that surpass my finite mind. If Hed dare to expand my mine, id say Lord have your way. Flip my world upside down, i dare to even pray that, yes you saw me, im daring to even pray that. Out of the mosty ugliest on earth, He shows me His beauty. The places people dare to even look, there you will find His beauty. The places youd least expect Him to be, there you will find His beauty. Out of the mouths youd think would even speak, there you will find His beauty. In a mess, beauty can be found. Only out of distress and affliction can His beauty come out. His power comes out. Only when it seems impossible, there His power comes forth. How could He even show Himself powerful without the messes, without the famines, without the afflictions, without the diseases, without the wars, without our messed up sinful lives? Without brokenness, the beauty of Christ cannot be shown forth. His loving touch cannot touch you, if you feel that you have all of the comfort in the world. theres nothing that can comfort me like He does. Out of my brokenness comes His comfort. His sweet comfort. Nothing can give His comfort like He does. Hes made Himself to be the only one. He made us with a piece in us that was created for All of Him. When He designed me it was to have Him living in me. O how i feel that need for Him when going through my afflictions. Come and fill what only You created me to have filled by You and You alone Lord i cry out. My spirit is waiting, my soul crys out for You. You created me with a God cry, and its voice You know very well, You know which tears are crying out for You and You alone. Do you appreciate those tears more than the others or are they all equal to You, You who knows all things?

Song of Songs

I was reading the Song of Songs the other day and was so caught up in the exchange of love between the lover and the beloved...and when I was done reading it, I said to myself..ah I don't want this to end...and it occured to me that it doesn't end. It never ends. God continues His love story with me in my life and that His love is unfailing so I said..Yes Lord! Never let this end, continue to write our love story...I am so delighted that we have a Lord who offers us undying love...love that stays and remains alive...forever...until eternity. We can rejoice and write our love story each and every day! We can declare our love to each other each and every day. Forever! How awesome is that! I love His face...