Sacrifice of praise

I lift up a sacrifice of praise, it's praise that lifts the yoke of heaviness. When will I be able to feel like I am doing something new? Or when can I feel like God is doing something new in me? When you go on with the same things, with the same job, when and how do you feel like God is doing something new? And why does it seem like my cross is the hardest to bear? And why do I even look at others and their crosses? My cross was made for me. How can I expect to bear the same cross as someone else? When will I let go of all of the heaviness? I can let go today. Any day, and everyday I can start again. I can start over. At any moment in time. When my soul aches and my body feels as if it's been broken in a million pieces, I want the refreshing that comes from gathering together with other people. When I feel this cross is too much to bear, who will help me carry it some of the way? Just for a little while. The stress of the cross makes me bow down. Have I completely let go? Have I made it to the top of the hill where I can die in silence? When the darkness comes and I cry out Father why have you forsaken me and let the work of the cross become finished. When I am dead and theres nothing left to take from me. Do I want to run quickly to the cross, or do I want to run away from it? Did Jesus run away from the cross, no if He did that would mean He was running away from me. But He embraced the cross and willingly accepted it, it doesn't say anywhere in the bible that He liked it, in fact, in the bible it says that He patiently endured the cross. So I am to patiently endure the cross. Not my will, but thy will be done Lord. All I know is that the bible I read, states that we are to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. What does that mean really? It says to humbly offer myself as a living sacrifice. For that is my worship before God. I am worshipping God not only when I sing but by offering myself as living sacrifice. Sometimes I say, no, I don't want to offer myself as a sacrifice today. And some days, I say, yes take all of me and make me yours. Again and again. Other days I may not even think of it. I only want to live by the words that come out Jesus' mouth.